Create The Life You Want

Create The Life You Want

How Could a Life Coach Help Me?

When something in your life is not working and you can’t find a solution – that’s the time to seek out a good life coach. See – How To Choose a Life Coach.

The issue that could make you seek out a life coach can be anything that’s bothering you. Here are just a few of the issues I deal with constantly:

  • career frustration – can’t earn enough, promotion blocked, poor work environment, no job satisfaction, over-work, want to change career,
  • lack of money
  • redundancy
  • relationship issues, can’t find the right person, can’t get away from the wrong person
  • lack of excitement/boredom
  • the feeling that there must be more to life, but what?

How Can a Life Coach Help?

The difficulty with trying to solve problems on your own is that you keep asking yourself the same questions. And because you keep asking the same questions, guess what, you keep coming up with the same answers.

The result is that you go round in circles and cannot break out – find new solutions.

A good life coach will use their experience to ask you new questions and help you find new, workable solutions.

A good life coach will not turn up with ready-made solutions to your challenges. They will help you to work out your own solutions. The big advantage of this way of working is that you find solutions that you know will work for you.

How Will I Know That the Solution is Any Good?

You will feel the energy and passion for what you are about to do.

My passion is in helping people to create the life they would love to live. The first step in this process is to Discover Your Passion.

The reason why I start with your passion is because it is passion that gives you the self-belief and the energy to create the life you want.

If you’ve ever had a passion for another human being you can remember how your energy levels soared when you though about them, how you couldn’t wait to be with them, how you could not do enough for them. So, you know the power of passion.

Yes, But Will I be Able to Achieve My Goals?

A good life coach is someone who has already achieved many of their own most important life goals. They will be mature and experienced in dealing with lifes vicissitudes. They will have a good track record of having helped others. They will know how to help you Create Your Own Independent Income, or build a successful career, or find the right person. They will have ongoing support programmes to make sure that you achieve what you have set your heart on.

Once you really set your heart on achieving something about which you are passionate it is essential that you succeed. It is not going too far to say that your life depends on it. This is because, as Abraham Maslow said: “to be happy we must become what we can become.” Note, he said “MUST become.”

Why Most People Fail

To be fair, most people don’t fail – they just fail to get started.

Change can feel scary. You might be saying to yourself, “Where I am now might not be everything I would love it to be, but at least I know where I am. I can manage the status quo, so why change anything?”

Look at it this way: imagine that you have reached retirement age. You are sitting in an old peoples home looking back over your life. What do you see? Is it just a picture of years and years of what you’ve got now? Or is it the picture that you sometimes imagine of how you’d love your life to be? A life filled with excitement, adventure, love, challenge, creativity, fulfilment, meaning and prosperity?

The difference between the two pictures is up to you – you are the painter of the picture of your life. What picture do you want to paint?

Helpful links:

Discover Your Passion

How To Create Your Own Regular Income

 

What is the Best Way to Choose a Life Coach

It is critical that you choose the right life coach. The coach who is right for you. The one who will help you find your own workable solutions to the issues that you have. Here are the questions you should ask of any coach who you are considering:

  • What experience do you have of dealing with issues like mine?
  • Please may I see what previous clients say about you?
  • Where and when can you meet me? (Consider online video conferencing. It works really well.)
  • Tell me something about your life? (This is to check out compatibility.)
  • Tell me a bit about your career? (This is to check how successful they have been in their own life.)
  • Tell me something about your lifestyle? (This is to check compatibility.)

Other questions that really matter:

  • How many sessions will it take to deal with an issue like mine. (Do not agree to an open-ended contract. Better to agree a set number of sessions which can end at any time by mutual agreement.)
  • Do you do all 1-2-1 sessions or do you do group coaching?
  • What do you see as the advantages of 1-2-1? (Mainly more acute focus on you and confidentiality.)
  • What do you see as the advantages of group coaching? (Less expensive, you learn from others, you learn by coaching others – all provided group coaching is not a “tell you” session but a genuine “tease the best answer for you out of you.”)
  • Where do you conduct your group coaching sessions?
  • What qualifications do you have? (Bear in mind what Albert Einstein said: “Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” Qualifications are not as important as relevant experience.)

A crucial point:

  • Do you feel relaxed and comfortable with this person?
  • Do you have confidence in this coach?
  • Do you feel that they will challenge?
  • Do you feel that they can dig up what you are really passionate about that will revolutionise your life?
  • Do you feel that they will be able to make your passion into a way to live the life you’d love to live?

Do I fit your bill?

Check out my bio.

Check out my Discover Your Passion workshop.

Survey Reveals Formula Used by Millionaires to Make Their Fortunes

Discover the real difference that allows millionaires to make their fortunesIt’s not like you think. They don’t have a “magic touch”. The real differences between us and them are in the way that they think and behave.

First of all, they start in a different place. They don’t go looking for a business or proposition that is guaranteed to make money or that has potential to make money. They start by asking themselves, “what do I enjoy doing, what do I love and what completely absorbs my attention?”

Their Aim is Flow

What they are looking for is an opportunity to work in a state that the Hungarian American psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi calls “Flow”.

“Flow” is completely focused motivation. It is single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In “flow” the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energised, and aligned with the task at hand. Professor Csíkszentmihályi has carried out studies on thousands of individuals in his search to understand and describe how the state of “flow” enables so many high achievers to reach their goals.

Flow has a strong, documented correlation with performance enhancement. And this is why millionaires, top sports people and others who are high achievers find “flow” so valuable – it enables them to focus all of their energies in a laser-like way on achieving their objectives. Furthermore it allows them to do this with enjoyment.

What The Survey Reveals

Millionaires behave in this way:

  1. They find what they love to do and they then do what they love doing. This gives them a strong sense of purpose. It gives their life meaning. It’s not the money they’re after, but the pure enjoyment of doing what they love. The money comes as a result of their sense of purpose. Their happiness is in the doing, not in the result.
  2. They work with a clear vision of the outcome they want. They work to their own goals, not someone else’s. They concentrate on one task at a time.
  3. They have rituals that they follow in their work. They enjoy their rituals and they use them to get into the state of “flow”. These rituals enable them to be very disciplined. They are happy in their work because they spend so much time in the state of “flow”.

How to Get Into the State of Flow

  • Know what to do
  • Know how to do it
  • Know how well you are doing
  • Notice the challenges
  • Know what skills you need or where to get them
  • Be free from distractions

(Source: DePaul University)

Your Next Step

You need to discover what you love doing. Then you can enjoy being in the state of “flow” and devote all of your energies to what you’re passionate about. This is the essential first step that all high achievers take. It will lead you to your Big Idea – the personal, unique vision on which you can then focus with full attention. A good way to start is to attend one of my regular workshops that are designed to enable you to Discover Your Passion.

 

Anatomy of a Nightmare

The valuable lessons I learned by analysing a nightmareIt was one of those nights when you just can’t sleep properly. I had woken up at about one am, and then again at four am.

I really wanted my beauty sleep because I had important things to do during the day ahead. But I just could not get back to sleep.

On a whim, remembering my daily meditation practice, I gave myself permission to sleep for as long as my body needed the rest. it worked like a dream. I fell instantly into the arms of Hypnos the god of sleep.

And that was when the nightmare began. Well, no, it must have actually been some time later because the recollections were amazingly vivid when I awoke from the nightmare.

It’s like this; I run workshops to help people discover what they are passionate about. This enables them to build successful careers either as employees or by starting their own businesses.

The nightmare was set at one of my workshops. Actually I hope and pray that I never have a workshop quite like the one in my nightmare.

Everything was chaotic from the moment the delegates started to arrive. It seemed like it was a stormy day, and we were about to work in a large marquee. The delegates were all being buffeted around by the storm and I was sailing above them, using my whiteboard as my sail.

When we eventually got inside the delegates were very unruly. One man, who had been to the same workshop a month earlier, just would not stop talking. He’d gone from being a wimp to being super-arrogant, and now he wanted to tell everyone how great he was.

The other delegates became agitated and started talking amongst themselves. My tongue would not work, I felt powerless, unable to bring the situation under control.

Then a party started in the other part of the marquee. The music was so loud that no-one could hear themselves speak. I was paralysed. Not with fear, but with a feeling of inadequacy that made me feel like a soft jelly.

One lady, whom I knew to be super-efficient, took control. She marched us all out of the marquee and down a dusty slope to a grassy area under a tree. Miraculously the wind had abated. We sat down, cross-legged, in a circle on the dusty grass.

Soon the arrogant man started to dominate again. I went over to him and demanded that he depart from the group.

As I resumed my seat two ladies got up and walked out muttering darkly to one another. They were quickly followed by several other delegates who looked angry and disappointed. I could not find words to stop this from happening. Everything was falling apart and I was incapable of taking any action to stop it from happening. I seemed to be riveted to the ground. I shrank physically to the size of a garden gnome.

As despair overwhelmed me I woke up.

The lessons

By the time I had washed and was doing my morning exercises, I had regained control of my emotions. I knew that my upcoming workshop would not be anything like my nightmare.

So, why had the nightmare happened?

Partially I think it was a throwback to a fear of public speaking that had ruled my life during the early days of my corporate career. I have completely conquered that fear because I have complete confidence in the work I now do. This confidence is built on the success I have enjoyed helping others to improve their situations.

Later that morning, as I walked my dog along woodland paths carpeted with early winter leaves, I had a chance to analyse the nightmare.

Perhaps it was a wake-up call that I need more structure and discipline about the way I run my workshops. Not sure about this, because the feedback has been good.

Perhaps it was an expression of a need for more structure, organisation and control around what I do.

It may even have been my passion for helping other people discover their own passions expressing itself in a weird way.

I recognised long ago that I am motivated by having experienced massive improvements in my own life that occurred when I discovered my passion.

On reflection I think that my nightmare was so scary because it made me experience what it must be like to be incapable of helping people who had come to me for assistance.

Reassurance

During the 25 years that I have been a full time professional coach I have helped over a thousand people improve their lives. See what clients say about me.

What I can assure you of is that when you attend a Discover Your Passion 1-day workshop you will discover what you love to do and how to leverage that passion. And if you don’t discover your passion on the actual day I will go on working with you, at no extra cost, until you do discover your passion.

 

How Debbie went from being a PA to life on a beach

Discover how you can transform your life like this pa who reinvented herselfIt was just over three years ago that Debbie cornered me on my way out of a corporate coaching session.

As I walked down the corridor she suddenly appeared beside me: “Everyone seems to be enjoying the coaching you’re doing with them,” she started shyly.

“I’m pleased to hear that,” I replied.

“Yes, they all say they find their sessions very valuable as well.” She smiled, “Eye opening, one of them said.” There was an awkward pause. It was obvious that she was searching for words. Then she blurted out, “do you do private work?” Before I could answer, she hurried on. “I mean could I have a session with you.”

“Yes, of course.” I smiled to encourage her.

“Will it be very expensive?” She asked.

“Well, the first session is what I call a ‘getting to know you’ session. It allows me to ascertain whether I can meet your needs and we decide mutually whether we are compatible, in a coaching sense.” I paused, “I don’t charge for the first session.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful!” her face lit up. “When could we do that?”

We fixed a date for the following week.

Debbie was PA to the Chief Executive of the large corporation where she worked. She was very well organised, but she was also very frustrated. She felt that there must be more to life than trudging into the office every morning and slaving away; being confined within four walls for eight hours.

The First Step

At our first session Debbie kept saying that she wanted to express herself, to be herself. But she could not define what expressing herself was like.

I took her through a process I use in my Discover Your Passion workshops that starts with defining what you love to do. This is often much harder than it sounds because there is seldom just a single thing that you love to do. In Debbie’s case she loved outdoor exercise, meeting people, behaving gregariously and organising people and events. She also liked just hanging out with people and being outdoors; but at the same time she was ambitious.

My next questions were around, “who needs someone who loves doing what you do?”

“People enjoying the outdoors,” she replied. Then she added hastily, “But I don’t want to be a holiday rep and I don’t have any outdoor pursuits qualifications.”

Long Story Short

After much further discussion she settled on the idea that she would like to have a beach bar, on a nice sandy beach somewhere where the sun always shines, So, her next holiday she set off for the Far East to visit four countries in two weeks so she could scout out the possibilities.

She came back very excited and nervous. She had found a location where she could build a beach bar, but it was going to cost more than she possessed to set it up.

I helped her write a business plan and sent her off to talk to her family and any relatives who might be prepared to make an investment in her business.

Her excitement and enthusiasm helped her raise the capital she needed. She resigned from her job, and set off, excited and scared, but determined to follow her plan.

Result

Debbie worked very hard at her business. The first year she nearly gave up and came home. But she has that bloody-minded persistence that entrepreneurs need and she stuck it out. Her bar became famous for it’s music, fun and hospitality.

Debbie now owns three beach bars.

What about you?

Are you going to dream on, or are you going to take the first step and discover what you love to do? It may simply be another type of job, or it may be a business of your own.

Or, if you live outside the UK, you could get the book from Amazon.

Disclaimer: this is a true story from my files, but the description of the main character has been altered to protect her identity.