Research carried out by Professor Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo, Ontario shows that affirmations work well for people with high self esteem and can have a negative effect on people with low self esteem.
In the research the confidence of those with high self esteem was boosted by repeating phrases such as: “I can do it,” and “I will succeed.” Repeating such phrases improved their self esteem scores from an average of 25 up to 31.
Conversely, repeating such phrases lowered the average scores of those with low self esteem to an average of just 10 against a low self esteem control group average of 17.
Professor Wood said: “It seemed that repeating positive statements worked only if it reinforced what the person already believed. It appears that positive self-statements, despite their widespread endorsement, may backfire for the very people who need them the most.”
“I think that what happens is that when a low -self-esteem person repeats positive thoughts, all they do is contradict what is there already, So if they’re saying, ‘I’m a lovable person,’ they might then think, “Well. I’m not always loveable’ or ‘I’m not lovable in this way.’ Then these contradictory thoughts may overwhelm the positive thoughts.”
Professor Wood said: “Positive thinking might be effective when it is used as part of a broader programme of therapy. But on its own it tends to have the reverse effect of what it is supposed to do.”
So, where do these findings leave the person who has low self-esteem? What can they do to help themselves feel better?
If, as professor Woods suggests, “those with low self-esteem try to reduce feelings of happiness,” what can such people do to increase their happiness?
Well, what Professor Woods seems to be suggesting is that those with low self-esteem do not allow themselves to feel happy. My own experience would suggest that this is true. It is almost as if those with low self esteem do not feel that they deserve happiness, that happiness is an unnatural state for them.
At root level such people have a very powerful limiting belief that tells them something like: “I believe I do not deserve to be happy.”
How do you clear such limiting beliefs?
I have avidly read several books on the subject of clearing limiting beliefs such as Zero Limits and Changing Belief Systems with NLP. I have also invested large sums of money on people who claim to be top coaches in changing belief systems. I have thoroughly investigated and trialled EFT for long periods. There has been little noticeable effect from all of my efforts. Perhaps I have simply confirmed and deepened my own limiting beliefs.
The one exercise that has shown signs of helping me make changes has been meditating about the very earliest years of my life. Of course I have very little recall of my first three years, but just sitting very still and imagining myself bouncing on my mother’s knee does make me feel really good about myself.
