How To Gain Self-Confidence

The question of how to gain self-confidence comes up regularly in my coaching sessions. The underlying issue here is that confidence is a feeling that fluctuates constantly. So what people want to know is, “how do I regain my confidence when something has happened to knock the stuffing out of me?”

(David Cameron probably has a bit of an issue with just this question right now.)

There are two points you need to understand about this issue.

The first is that it is not the situation that causes you to lose confidence; rather it is the way that you respond to the situation that causes the loss of confidence.

The second it that your response is dictated by your past experiences.

When anything happens to you your first response is to ask yourself: “what is going on here?” “Have I seen anything like this before?” And, if you think you have seen something like this before, “what did I feel about it last time?”

Therefore a short, simple answer to the question of how to gain self-confidence, is to ask yourself a different question when you are analysing the situation. For example, instead of asking yourself, “what did I feel about it last time?” Ask yourself, “What would be an appropriate response here by a mature person who wanted to achieve a positive outcome?”

It is also recommended that you read Self-Confidence Made Simple and master the simple lessons therein.

About David Ferrers

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